Time to smile and pretend, talk to me tomorrow and I'll be myself again...

There's no photo to update this time... Not yet at least, I believe the next may actually be a self-portrait even though I have no idea what that'll accomplish.. For as long as I can remember I was suppose to make my art for someone and it was suppose to be and mean something to someone other than myself. Of course if a person is paying for it, it is the way it works and is expected to work- it's the exact definition of being an illustrator these days. However not too long ago my personal artwork was criticized for being too 'dark'... and at the time made no sense to anyone because how can a person's work be so dark when they normally have such a cheerful and pleasant disposition? What if it's the art that keeps my disposition that way in the first place? Without that outlet no one would see the same person they do on a daily basis. It is my balance. Not understanding where it comes from and why it's needed is no one else's responsibility, as it shouldn't be, because well, the art is the dark parts they're suppose to see; everything else gets worked out through them, I guess.

Apparently I should draw or at the least write more often then I do. I should have a dream journal, the crazy images and thoughts that I come up with need to be recorded if for no other reason then just to release them into a different space other than my head.

Kerri

Another, and my last for a while, colored pencil portrait of my friend Kerri.

Lionfish

I dreamt about owning different small scale aquariums, though in the dream the fish it contained weren't realistic. The lionfish in my mind actually had the head of a real lion! Regardless of how far off my imagination took the dream I woke up to research an actual lionfish; I made this sketch from one of the photos I found and I'm pretty sure a painting of a different view of one will follow... Going in the direction of realism meets abstract by nature seems to be a fun one to follow, could be where my love of water stems from.

Kerri

Added in the backround and finally finished the piece.

A better but unfinished attempt...

A colored pencil portrait of Kerri... I was so unhappy with the charcoal image I made of her, it just wouldn't do. Colored pencil seems to be the colored medium I feel most comfortable with due to the accessibility a pencil tip offers compared to a paint brush (at least for me), it mostly just means I need to practice more with paint... Maybe another day though, for now colored pencil especially in this portrait makes me happy, it's like something I've been looking for for years that was always in front of me but couldn't see. Should have paid more attention haha

Anyway, I'm quite happy with this thus far except I'm at a stand still with the back round. There's been a few ideas floating in my head such as a black and white city street scape or burning house of sorts. Leaving it blank has been contemplated as was a tragic scene muddled but clear enough to understand... I just can't make up my mind...

Kerriann...

A portrait of my best friend Kerri... At first I was debating whether or not to create this using pencil or charcoal or both; in the end I mostly rendered everything in charcoal with touches of 8B Graphite pencil for the facial features and delicate skin tone. After everything I've realized that regardless of whether or not it was rendered in charcoal or pencil it is the actual photo reference I'd like to change.... The next one I'd like to create will be an emotional shot of mostly her face and probably neckline and shoulders with her eyes all done up in cried on makeup but with no crying expression. I have to make sure the lighting is done right though and that there's enough contrast. When I really envision it, I feel like it could almost be a really wonderful lightly toned painting, with soft blues and green, but for now I'll stick to the original idea.

A fresh start...

A portrait of Eliza Dushku I finished last week or maybe it was two weeks ago?... I haven't been feeling too well so I've lost track of time unfortunately. It's a simple charcoal piece a little less than 14"x 17". I'd really love to do more black and white charcoal portraits; however finding people to use for reference when I'm never really around people anymore is just difficult. Celebrities are good practice but in the end unknown people are better; they actually hold some sort of mystery I believe that makes people want to know more about them and look harder at the picture in attempts to figure something out...